'The Chokes' by Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding

While MC-ing at ‘The Velvet Onion’ nightclub, Vince manages to persuade Goth band ‘The Black Tubes’ to take him on as lead singer, on the condition that he can fit into a ridiculously tight pair of black drainpipe jeans; faced with dropping five sizes, Vince resorts to using a wheelchair and having Bollo stretch him on a torture rack. When Howard learns that his favourite Danish avant-garde film director, Jurgen Haabemaaster, is attending the gig to see a performance by crustacean actor Sammy the Crab, he pleads Vince to allow him to perform on stage – but Vince refuses, as Howard suffers from ‘The Chokes’, literally freezing under the pressure of acting. Devastated, Howard seeks solace in a bar, where he meets fading classic actor Montgomery Flange. Seeing a way to get his revenge on his old rival, Sammy the Crab, Flange agrees to help Howard overcome his acting problem, and takes him to his Secret Woodland Training Arena. That evening, Vince hosts ‘Vince Noir’s Electro Circus’ at ‘The Velvet Onion’, featuring such acts as the Umpire of Folk, Naboo the Enigma and Bollo, and the Blue McEnro Group, Meanwhile, backstage, ‘The Black Tubes’ feed Sammy with lager, junk food and coke, turning the crab mental and sending him on a killing spree. With all the acts slaughtered by the crazed crustacean, and the audience baying for an actor, Vince and manager Bob Fossil turn to Howard in desperation; Howard eagerly accepts, now full of confidence thanks to Flange’s help – but will the Chokes return to plague him..?

Noel Fielding (Vince Noir / The Moon / Montgomery Flange / Doctor), Julian Barratt (Howard Moon / Jurgen Haabemaaster), Michael Fielding (Naboo), Dave Brown (Bollo / Pencil), Rich Fulcher (Bob Fossil / Bartender), Adam Leary (Himself), The Horrors [Faris Badwan, Tom Cowan, Joshua Hayward, Joseph Spurgeon, Rhys Webb] (Themselves); Mike Bayliss, Michael Fowkes, Ronnie Le Drew and Steve Tiplady (Sammy The Crab); Richard Glover, Oliver Ralfe, Peter Kyriacou (Theatre Audience Member / Lead Singer - The Blue McEnroes)*
*(Uncredited)

Directed by Paul King
Produced by Spencer Millman
Executive Producer Lindsay Hughes and Henry Normal
Original Music by Julian Barratt

TX (BBC3):
20th December 2007

Notes:
*Featuring Vince Noir, Howard Moon, Naboo and Bollo